Digest

Stephanie Harrison, author of "New Happy," challenges the conventional wisdom about happiness, arguing that the pursuit of happiness itself can often lead to unhappiness. She introduces the "happiness myth," which encompasses the lies we've been told about how to achieve happiness, such as chasing achievements, accumulating wealth, and focusing on ourselves. Harrison emphasizes that true happiness stems from sharing our unique gifts with others, including our humanity, wisdom, and talents. She identifies three core beliefs that contribute to the happiness myth: 1) "You're not enough," which is fueled by societal values like individualism, capitalism, and domination; 2) "You'll be happy when...," which emphasizes external achievements and acquisitions; and 3) "You're on your own," which promotes a sense of separation and discourages interdependence. Harrison advocates for a shift from empathy to compassion, arguing that compassion, which involves giving love and support to those who are suffering, is a source of true well-being. She encourages listeners to identify their unique gifts – humanity, wisdom, and talent – and to share them with the world, recognizing that these gifts are the most reliable source of happiness.

Outlines

00:00:00

Introduction: The Happiness Myth

This Chapter introduces Stephanie Harrison, author of "New Happy," and her challenge to the conventional wisdom about happiness. She argues that the pursuit of happiness itself can often lead to unhappiness and introduces the "happiness myth," which encompasses the lies we've been told about how to achieve happiness, such as chasing achievements, accumulating wealth, and focusing on ourselves. Harrison emphasizes that true happiness stems from sharing our unique gifts with others, including our humanity, wisdom, and talents.

00:02:04

The Evolution of Happiness Research

This Chapter discusses the evolution of happiness research, starting with Dan Gilbert's book "Stumbling on Happiness" and the subsequent wave of books on the topic. The conversation explores how the field of positive psychology has become more accessible to the public and how different voices and perspectives are contributing to our understanding of happiness.

00:03:08

Stephanie's Personal Journey to Happiness

This Chapter delves into Stephanie Harrison's personal journey to happiness. She shares her experiences with profound unhappiness and the struggles she faced trying to find happiness through external means. She describes her childhood and young adult life as lacking true joy and the highs being accompanied by long-lasting lows. Harrison explains how she realized that the pursuit of happiness through external means was not working for her and how this led her to explore the topic more deeply.

00:04:28

The Decision to Pursue a Master's Degree in Positive Psychology

This Chapter explores Stephanie Harrison's decision to pursue a Master's degree in Applied Positive Psychology at the University of Pennsylvania. She explains that after identifying some personal issues and finding ways to address them, she was motivated to learn more about the research underpinning happiness. Harrison's hope was to share her learnings from her own pain with others, potentially helping them avoid or overcome similar struggles.

00:06:20

The Paradox of Happiness

This Chapter discusses the paradox of happiness, where the direct pursuit of happiness often leads to less happiness. The conversation explores how many people try to achieve happiness through external means, believing that these things will lead to happiness, rather than pursuing them for their own sake. Harrison emphasizes the need to question the narratives that condition us to believe that external factors will make us happy.

00:07:25

Defining Happiness

This Chapter delves into the definition of happiness, acknowledging that it is a complex and subjective concept. Harrison proposes a definition of happiness as a more lasting state, encompassing contentment, joy, purpose, and meaning. She distinguishes this from short-term pleasure-based emotions, which she believes can lead us astray.

00:08:42

The Happiness Myth: Three Core Beliefs

This Chapter introduces the three core beliefs that contribute to the "happiness myth": 1) "You're not enough," which is fueled by societal values like individualism, capitalism, and domination; 2) "You'll be happy when...," which emphasizes external achievements and acquisitions; and 3) "You're on your own," which promotes a sense of separation and discourages interdependence. Harrison argues that these beliefs convince us to pursue the wrong things, leading to a cycle of unhappiness and striving.

00:13:42

The First Lie: "You're Not Enough"

This Chapter explores the first lie of the happiness myth: "You're not enough." Harrison shares her own experience of feeling inadequate and how she realized that this feeling is common. She argues that this belief is exacerbated by social media and other societal forces that promote comparison and competition. Harrison connects this feeling of not enoughness to the values of domination, individualism, and capitalism, which create a system where self-worth is determined by comparison to others.

00:27:42

The Third Lie: "You're on Your Own"

This Chapter explores the third lie of the happiness myth: "You're on your own." Harrison argues that this belief is deeply ingrained in us from a young age and that it promotes a sense of separation and discourages interdependence. She emphasizes that true happiness comes from recognizing our interconnectedness and investing in our relationships. Harrison discusses the importance of asking for help and acknowledging that we are all in this together.

Keywords

Q&A

• What is the "happiness myth" and what are its core beliefs?

  The "happiness myth" refers to the false beliefs and narratives that we internalize about how to achieve happiness. These beliefs often lead us to pursue external factors, such as achievements, wealth, and status, which ultimately fail to deliver lasting happiness. Stephanie Harrison identifies three core beliefs that contribute to the happiness myth: 1) "You're not enough," which is fueled by societal values like individualism, capitalism, and domination; 2) "You'll be happy when...," which emphasizes external achievements and acquisitions; and 3) "You're on your own," which promotes a sense of separation and discourages interdependence.

• How does Stephanie Harrison's personal journey inform her work on happiness?

  Stephanie Harrison's personal journey is deeply intertwined with her work on happiness. She shares her experiences with profound unhappiness and the struggles she faced trying to find happiness through external means. This personal experience led her to question the conventional wisdom about happiness and to explore the topic more deeply. Her journey ultimately led her to a more authentic and fulfilling approach to happiness, which she shares in her book "New Happy."

• What is the difference between empathy and compassion, and why is compassion important for happiness?

  Empathy involves feeling with another person, experiencing their emotions as if they were our own. Compassion, on the other hand, involves giving love and support to those who are suffering. While empathy can be draining, compassion is a source of positive emotion and meaning. Harrison argues that compassion is essential for lasting happiness, as it allows us to experience joy and fulfillment through helping others.

• What are the three types of gifts that Stephanie Harrison identifies, and how can we use them to find happiness?

  Stephanie Harrison identifies three types of gifts that we all possess: humanity, wisdom, and talent. Humanity gifts refer to our inherent qualities and strengths as human beings, such as love, kindness, empathy, and connection. Wisdom refers to the knowledge and insights we gain from our unique life experiences. Talent refers to our skills and abilities. Harrison argues that sharing these gifts with others is the most reliable source of happiness, as it connects us to others and allows us to express our inner goodness.

• How can we start to unwind the "happiness myth" and embrace a more authentic approach to happiness?

  Stephanie Harrison offers several practical steps for unwinding the "happiness myth" and embracing a more authentic approach to happiness. These include: 1) Helping others in small ways, using our humanity gifts; 2) Identifying our unique gifts – humanity, wisdom, and talent – and making a list of them; and 3) Sharing our gifts with the world, recognizing that they are the most reliable source of happiness.

• What is the role of interdependence in achieving true happiness?

  Interdependence, the mutual reliance and connection between individuals, is essential for true happiness. It emphasizes that we are not isolated entities but rather part of a larger web of relationships. Harrison argues that interdependence allows us to give and receive support, share our gifts, and experience the joy of connection. She encourages listeners to recognize their interconnectedness and to invest in their relationships.

• How can we overcome the fear of asking for help and embrace the power of interdependence?

  Overcoming the fear of asking for help requires recognizing that it is a natural and necessary part of being human. Harrison encourages listeners to practice asking for help in small ways, showing others that it is okay to be vulnerable and to need support. She emphasizes that asking for help can be a selfless act, as it allows others to experience the joy of giving and contributing.

• What is the relationship between the "happiness myth" and the societal values of individualism, capitalism, and domination?

  The "happiness myth" is deeply intertwined with societal values like individualism, capitalism, and domination. These values promote a sense of competition, comparison, and self-reliance, which can lead to feelings of inadequacy and a constant striving for external validation. Harrison argues that these values create a system where self-worth is determined by comparison to others, fueling the belief that we are not enough and that we need to achieve external success to be happy.

• How can we cultivate compassion and use it to overcome the challenges of empathy?

  Cultivating compassion involves shifting from a place of empathy, where we feel the emotions of others as if they were our own, to a place of giving love and support. While empathy can be draining, compassion is a source of positive emotion and meaning. Harrison encourages listeners to practice compassion by offering help and support to those who are suffering, recognizing that this act of giving is ultimately fulfilling.

• What are some practical steps we can take to start living a more authentic and fulfilling life?

  Stephanie Harrison offers several practical steps for living a more authentic and fulfilling life. These include: 1) Helping others in small ways, using our humanity gifts; 2) Identifying our unique gifts – humanity, wisdom, and talent – and making a list of them; and 3) Sharing our gifts with the world, recognizing that they are the most reliable source of happiness. By embracing these practices, we can begin to unwind the "happiness myth" and create a more meaningful and joyful life.

Show Notes